Why, on the second week of school, am I so discouraged?

It's the second week back to school, and I'm already worn out for the entire semester.  I feel so helpless and stupid at this point.  My depression/anxiety gets pretty bad during fall because of school, I usually am very happy in Autumn, my depression used to subside a lot during Fall, but now, my workload is so heavy, and I feel incapable of completing school.  I keep on pushing, but it will take me and hour to finish 15 math homework problems.  I feel so hopeless.  I feel useless.  I'm already modifying Math and Latin, because I'm behind. My mother, instead of privately going to my teacher, decided to literally yell across the room, in front of all my classmates, as we left orientation, that I was still in last year's math.  She decided to leave the fact why I was still behind out.  It takes me a half hour to understand a new concept.  I'm so slow and stupid.  All I can do is sit around and be useless because I don't understand.  I just sit around staring at the wall all the time, thinking myself to death.  I just sit and think, think about how much I think, cry because I think, and break because I can't seem to think in the right rhythm that would get me good grades.  I just kind of wonder why God made me think in a different way.  I think in a weird way.  I feel so alone and so angry.  I'm so stressed out, and tired.  I'm always so tired.  I'm so sad all the time.  I'm almost always an afterthought of everyone around me.  I hate it.  And, now just siting here on my bed, my head, oh, my head, it's spinning, it's pinning me against a wall, useless and hopeless and scared.  And now I don't see much reason for living.  All that matters at this age is being good, getting good grades, and being happy.  But maybe tomorrow be different.  Instead of choosing the end, I think I'll choose tomorrow.  The end ends everything, tomorrow can change anything.  So I guess I'll check in soon.  Bye.
XOXOXO
-Morgan  

Great Chai tea latte

INGREDIENTS

2 Chai Spice black tea bags
1/4 cup boiling water
3/4 cup whole milk
Honey or sugar to taste (optional)
Cinnamon or nutmeg to sprinkle on top (optional)

DIRECTIONS

Steep the Chai tea bags in the hot water for 3 to 5 minutes.

Warm milk in a pan, then whisk with a frother. Combine the milk and chai tea and add honey or sugar to taste. Sprinkle with cinnamon or nutmeg.
This recipe is so great!  Try it for yourself!

Best drink... EVER.

How to Make Blueberry Smoothie Recipe without Yoghurt

Blueberry is one kind of fruit that is rich of antioxidant. You can consume it straightaway, or make blueberry smoothie recipe without yoghurt. The use of yoghurt may be changed by milk or honey. So, here some steps how to make this healthy drink. Before starting to make it, you need to organize the material and the ingredients. You need only a blender to make it. For the ingredients, you need :

• a cup of blueberries
• a cup of fresh milk
• a tea spoon of vanilla essence
• two tea spoons of honey
• If you like a cold drink, you can also prepare some ice cubes.

First of all, you need to wash your blueberries in order to make it clean. Next, you can add it to the blender. If you have any strawberries and raspberries, you can use a little bit. Just make sure that the blueberries are the main ingredient. Next, you may add a cup of fresh milk. If you are allergic to raw milk, almond milk is advised. Next, add two spoons of honey. The use of ice cubes is optional. You can blend it together in the blender or you can add in your glass. These are all the steps how to make a healthy blueberry smoothies recipe without yoghurt.

THIS IS SO GOOD. OMg.  ADD 1/2 CUP ICE FOR BEST CONSISTENCY! 

REPOSTING FOR MYSELF>>Pain and grief is the price we pay for love

Why do you look at me like that?  Why do you talk to me in that sarcastic tone?  I really don't appreciate it.  I hate it.  When my voice gets all high and excited, don't make that face.  I hate it.  You make me feel small.  You make me feel stupid.  You make me want to end this.  You make me feel like nothing.  I hate when you do that.  That's okay.  I know you'll pretend to love me tomorrow.  I'll believe you when you say it.  I'll smile.  I'm"fine"  I'll say to my best friend, he knows I'm lying.  I wish sometimes you knew me as well as he does.  I wish you were him.    You broke me once you changed.  I miss you.  I love you.  I have to fix this.  I can't let it crash and burn.  I will never ask you to change.  I love you for you.  But, I cannot stop the pain you keep on causing me.  Yeah, I'm just a girl.  You're just a boy.  We're just teenagers.  You're just oblivious.  I'm just so sad.  I'm sorry that I'm not good anymore.  I'm sorry that I've gotten bad again..  I'm sorry.  I know that you probably don't care.  I know you don't care.  I'm completely aware that you don't love me.  I know that I let myself believe you because I kind of require acceptance.  I'm so afraid of you leaving me.  I'm terrified that you don't love me.  You probably don't.  Everyone who says they do end up ditching me eventually.  Why would this be any different?  I feel like I'm nothing.  That's okay.  I'm used to it.