Happy Last day of school!

Today is my last day of school! I am so incredibly happy.  I only have a month off, but I am grateful.  Last time we talked I was drowning and now I am almost swimming with ease, so it's great. I'm working on my last paper of the semester, and I have testing tomorrow, but then I'm done, yay!  In the recent 4 months I have dealing with a HORRIBLE breakout.  It was SO bad... But then I found the Mary Kay Clear Proof Acne System and it worked!  It took three weeks to see noticeable results, so that was frustrating and it hasn't cleared everything up, but it healed my skin.  I still have some blemishes, but they are decreasing daily.  I have grown in my confidence and happiness.  I still deal with waves of anxiety and depression, but I am getting so much better.  I have been feeling very happy and quite adventurous.   

Well, that's all for now.  

Love love love you all, talk to you later.

Why, on the second week of school, am I so discouraged?

It's the second week back to school, and I'm already worn out for the entire semester.  I feel so helpless and stupid at this point.  My depression/anxiety gets pretty bad during fall because of school, I usually am very happy in Autumn, my depression used to subside a lot during Fall, but now, my workload is so heavy, and I feel incapable of completing school.  I keep on pushing, but it will take me and hour to finish 15 math homework problems.  I feel so hopeless.  I feel useless.  I'm already modifying Math and Latin, because I'm behind. My mother, instead of privately going to my teacher, decided to literally yell across the room, in front of all my classmates, as we left orientation, that I was still in last year's math.  She decided to leave the fact why I was still behind out.  It takes me a half hour to understand a new concept.  I'm so slow and stupid.  All I can do is sit around and be useless because I don't understand.  I just sit around staring at the wall all the time, thinking myself to death.  I just sit and think, think about how much I think, cry because I think, and break because I can't seem to think in the right rhythm that would get me good grades.  I just kind of wonder why God made me think in a different way.  I think in a weird way.  I feel so alone and so angry.  I'm so stressed out, and tired.  I'm always so tired.  I'm so sad all the time.  I'm almost always an afterthought of everyone around me.  I hate it.  And, now just siting here on my bed, my head, oh, my head, it's spinning, it's pinning me against a wall, useless and hopeless and scared.  And now I don't see much reason for living.  All that matters at this age is being good, getting good grades, and being happy.  But maybe tomorrow be different.  Instead of choosing the end, I think I'll choose tomorrow.  The end ends everything, tomorrow can change anything.  So I guess I'll check in soon.  Bye.
XOXOXO
-Morgan  

Great Chai tea latte

INGREDIENTS

2 Chai Spice black tea bags
1/4 cup boiling water
3/4 cup whole milk
Honey or sugar to taste (optional)
Cinnamon or nutmeg to sprinkle on top (optional)

DIRECTIONS

Steep the Chai tea bags in the hot water for 3 to 5 minutes.

Warm milk in a pan, then whisk with a frother. Combine the milk and chai tea and add honey or sugar to taste. Sprinkle with cinnamon or nutmeg.
This recipe is so great!  Try it for yourself!

Best drink... EVER.

How to Make Blueberry Smoothie Recipe without Yoghurt

Blueberry is one kind of fruit that is rich of antioxidant. You can consume it straightaway, or make blueberry smoothie recipe without yoghurt. The use of yoghurt may be changed by milk or honey. So, here some steps how to make this healthy drink. Before starting to make it, you need to organize the material and the ingredients. You need only a blender to make it. For the ingredients, you need :

• a cup of blueberries
• a cup of fresh milk
• a tea spoon of vanilla essence
• two tea spoons of honey
• If you like a cold drink, you can also prepare some ice cubes.

First of all, you need to wash your blueberries in order to make it clean. Next, you can add it to the blender. If you have any strawberries and raspberries, you can use a little bit. Just make sure that the blueberries are the main ingredient. Next, you may add a cup of fresh milk. If you are allergic to raw milk, almond milk is advised. Next, add two spoons of honey. The use of ice cubes is optional. You can blend it together in the blender or you can add in your glass. These are all the steps how to make a healthy blueberry smoothies recipe without yoghurt.

THIS IS SO GOOD. OMg.  ADD 1/2 CUP ICE FOR BEST CONSISTENCY! 

REPOSTING FOR MYSELF>>Pain and grief is the price we pay for love

Why do you look at me like that?  Why do you talk to me in that sarcastic tone?  I really don't appreciate it.  I hate it.  When my voice gets all high and excited, don't make that face.  I hate it.  You make me feel small.  You make me feel stupid.  You make me want to end this.  You make me feel like nothing.  I hate when you do that.  That's okay.  I know you'll pretend to love me tomorrow.  I'll believe you when you say it.  I'll smile.  I'm"fine"  I'll say to my best friend, he knows I'm lying.  I wish sometimes you knew me as well as he does.  I wish you were him.    You broke me once you changed.  I miss you.  I love you.  I have to fix this.  I can't let it crash and burn.  I will never ask you to change.  I love you for you.  But, I cannot stop the pain you keep on causing me.  Yeah, I'm just a girl.  You're just a boy.  We're just teenagers.  You're just oblivious.  I'm just so sad.  I'm sorry that I'm not good anymore.  I'm sorry that I've gotten bad again..  I'm sorry.  I know that you probably don't care.  I know you don't care.  I'm completely aware that you don't love me.  I know that I let myself believe you because I kind of require acceptance.  I'm so afraid of you leaving me.  I'm terrified that you don't love me.  You probably don't.  Everyone who says they do end up ditching me eventually.  Why would this be any different?  I feel like I'm nothing.  That's okay.  I'm used to it.

It's July... Where'd the time go?

Happy first of July, everybody!
It's July!  Where'd the time go?  At this point in the Summer, I'm a tan little red head.  Thanks to my great melanin!  I almost have my ideal cheer ready body, and I'm really happy with how flexible I am getting.  But, seriously, where has the time gone?  I am terrified of how quickly it is going.  I want it to go slowly.  I want experience life...  Slowly.  I want to figure out what real love is, slowly.  I want to become happy...  Slowly, so that it lasts longer.  Let' experience life slowly.  As a matter of living slowly.  Making the best of our lives.  I don't want to rush my life.  I want to experience this lifetime. I need to learn to stop rushing.  I want to enjoy the little bit of childhood that I have left, because after this I never get to be a teenager again.  Soon, I'm going to have bills. A lot of them.  I'm going to have to go to college, have a steady job, and find a way to live with small amounts of money.  I really appreciate my parents.  They have done everything for me.  No.  Things were never perfect.  They NEVER will be. They weren't meant to.  Things were meant to be hard at times so that we learned to be strong..  That's how I am strong.  I have made decisions in my life based on things that happened to me, and I was full of regret for a VERY long time.  I have realized that I am done with those sins, and that I am forever forgiven.  Jesus SAVED me and I am forever forgiven. I have endured so much pain in my life.  But my pain does NOT define me.  My regrets do NOT define me.  My scars do NOT define me.  My religion does NOT define me.  My God is who deifines me.  My Savior, that's who defines me.  My Dad,  my spiritual Dad, that's who defines me.  NOT the world.  NOT society.  NOT what has happened to me.  JESUS defines me.  I am not a just a name or a face to Jesus.  I am His child.  He is my father, my support system, my painkiller, and my redeemer.  The reason that this blog is so colorful is because colors a happy and joyful to me!  And Jesus is JOYFUL to me.  Jesus saves.  'Nuff said. 
XOXOXO
-Morgan
(Was literally crying while typing this,  no idea why.  Crazy what Jesus can do for ya.)   
Got pain?  Yeah.  I know a guy.  I

When you feel fat and need a game plan.

Hi.  My name's Morgan.  I'm insecure about my body.  I'm here to help myself and you figure out what to do to become comfortable with yourself.  I feel overweight.  I am an average weight. I am an average height.  But I really, really hate my body.  For a while I was comfortable with myself, but now I've fallen straight back into the hole that is self hatred.  I hate my appearance to be honest with you.  I don't mind being curvy, but being fat is something that I can't handle for myself.  I don't care if someone else is overweight, but I can't be nice to myself when I look fat.  People beg me not to use that word.  "Fat".  It's "offensive", "rude", "inconsiderate".  Well guess what.  The definition of "fat" is (adjective)  '''(of a person or animal) having a large amount of excess flesh."  It is a term that I don't think I would use as a derogatory definition.  But I would use it to describe a person or myself who I perceive as largely proportioned.  My plan is to go on a diet starting on Monday July 4'th.  A week exactly before cheer season starts!   

•  I am not going to eat added or processed sugar, natural sugar in fruit is A-OK.   
• No processed foods.  
• No fried foods.
• 30 Minute Core workout Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. 
• 30 Minute Cardio workout Tuesdays and Thursdays.
• 30 Minute Yoga Saturdays and Sundays.
• Shakeology for dinner. (This is completely safe, and I am not starving myself, shakeology is very healthy and has all the nutrients that a person needs in a day.)

This diet is completely safe for me, modify workouts to 10 or 15 minutes in the beginning if you are just starting out.  Remember:

• Sugar will pack on the pounds (I am a past sugar addict, and one week with no sugar worked wonders for my body, but you have to continue no sugar to keep the pounds off.)
• Eat when you are hungry, but eat slowly so that your body can tell you when you're full (You won't notice how full you feel if you eat quickly.)
• Push yourself to meet your goals (Unless they're unreasonable and bad for your body.)
• DO NOT STARVE YOURSELF> (This will slow your metabolism and you'll become heavier as your body will react to this as starvation, and in order to survive you need a healthy amount of food.)
• DO NOT PURGE> (This will destroy your teeth, burn your esophagus, destroy your digestive system, and is overall horrible for your body.  And laxatives will just basically destroy your body.) 
• Stay positive and keep at it!  Consistency will keep the extra pounds off and continue to burn the calories!
• You are beautiful no matter what you look like.

Love you guys!
XOXOXO
-Morgan